Black guy problems

Black guy problems

Being black in South Africa is one of the craziest things in this country.

There is a plethora of things that go along with being black in this country. Of course there is too many to mention right now so I’ll just give you a few.

1.       Black on black racism: ok, one would think that sort of thing does not happen after this country’s tumultuous history with the apartheid thing and all that.  A lot of the older generation love to rant about how they fought for freedom and how that this is their country and all sorts of shit that bores the hell out of those of us born into freedom. It has been 18 years and they still carry on like as soon as a white person becomes president that we will go back to the “dark ages of apartheid”. Now with all the changes regarding education and opportunities for black children, things have obviously changed. We go to the same schools as kids from all races and we pick up each other’s mannerisms and accents. Because of that you get teased and funny looks from people who completely rape the English language. You get called names like “cheese boy” or “coconut” and they call us pretentious. Bitch I speak English the way it’s meant to be spoken.

2.       Puns that black guys can’t swim: first of all I can and I swim really well actually. 

3.       This thing going around that black guys have big dicks. Ok, that is true, never mind.

4.       Oh and my favourite, black guys want to get with white women or other races when they make it big or move to the city. Fuck that shit. I choose who I date because of personality not because it looks “larney“(slang for cool). If I find myself dating a white girl it is because I like her motherfucker!

Being a black guy in South Africa has got to be one of the oddest things in this country. It has its pros and cons. I fully intend on marrying a ginger and having little Trevor Noah babies. They might just turn out to be great comedians. They might be teased to no end at school but it’s all for their own good. It worked for the half Swedish, half Zulu coloured guy that is now touring the hell out of the States.

That’s all for now folks! Part two coming soon

Marriage proposals these days...

I might get some flack for saying this but American guys are such dicks.


One can not propose marriage to a girl the traditional way because singing flash mobs are the trend nowadays if you want to take the plunge. FFS! Girls everywhere are watching youtube videos of how some dude proposed to his girlfriend in a very flashy way. They are making it very difficult for the next guy. How the hell am I going to top renting out a whole hotel lobby and getting everybody from the waitors to the chefs involved in this literal song and dance ending off with the guy on bended knee asking the big question? Nevermind buying an engagement ring that is going to cost you more than three months salary.


As a black guy in South Africa, there is is the issue of paying Lobola to the brides family. For those not privy to this African custom, it is the act of paying a dowry to the father and uncles of your girl you are intending to wed in cattle. Do you know how much a fucking cow costs these days? In actual fact its anywhere from R8000 to R12 000. In plain South African terms that is KAK( pronounced KHUK, meaning shit) expensive! To make it worse the father of the bride does not just want one cow, they want from 20 to 60 cows (you do the math). Even more so if the girl comes from a very well off family. One question comes to mind "where the fuck are they going to keep these cows exactly?"
I, myself am not a big fan of Lobola not just because it's kak expensive but its like selling of your daughter to the highest bidder. I have asked my parents and other elders in the black community about it and they have defined it as a "sort of compensation for losing their daughter. I understand that girls play a big role in the household but I wouldn't take too kindly if a guy thinks my sister looks like his type and he wants to just pay us off, marry her and then still go on to treat her like shit.

Now marriage in itself is not a cheap institution. I suppose you can get by with a little help wit your friends but heaven help me if my girlfriend has half a brain, hops onto youtube, watches these marriage proposal videos posted by those dicks and then tells me she would want me to do that for her one day. "Monkey see,monkey do" don't you think? So heres a huge middlefinger in the air to those dudes who want to upstage the shit out of the rest of the guys in the world! Give little guy a break for once.

I'll end off this post with a resounding fuck you and a have a nice day!

That's all folks!

Al Gore : the man wo almost saved the world

The only places one seems to find heroes these days are in comic books and action movies.

We tend to bitch and moan about the happenings in the world but when someone actually takes the initiative to do something about it; he gets little to no attention.  Ok, that’s an over exaggeration. They get publicity for a while, the odd appearance on a talk show and maybe write a book about his gripe with what is going on in the world. (I say “he” because it’s quicker to type. No sexist connotations here. Damn it, you know what I mean!)

We have had our Churchill’s, Ghandi’s, Mandela etc but the unsung hero of this story is Al Gore; the bridesmaid of all bridesmaids. The 45^th vice president of the United States who was succeeded b a guy named dick had to settle for a job as author and activist.  In my opinion he would have made a very good bride if the groom (being the State Florida) weren’t a bunch of blithering idiots. Bush went on to become president and managed to screw America all on his lonesome. No hate for the US but is hindsight not a wonderful thing? He won the popular election in 2000 for heaven’s sake. Get a fucking clue!

 With the advent of the bush administration America has lost its trade centres and gone to war because of a beef with the middle-east for no real reason.  In this case it’s better the devil you don’t know than the idiot you do. Whether the world wants to believe it or not; the whole world changes along with the change of leaderships in the states. They have their fingers in everyone’s pie and it seems to work out for the better if your country is in good standing with the so called land of milk and honey. Not that all the other countries in the world are the US bitches but come on, coming from a 3^rd world country you know you are hooked up when uncle Sam has got your back.  

 Gore informed the world of the real threat of global warming with his DVD and talks all over the world which makes one wonder how good of a president he would have made. He is indeed a very smart man and I hope he runs for US commander in chief again. As for Obama, black people have had their time in the sun with regards to presidency and that will never happen again. Next time around let’s hope that US has learnt from its constant blunders and vote like people who actually have half a brain. That’s all folks!