The world is full of idiots

This is a post for the spiritual people out there. If you are a sensitive agnostic, existential or an atheist I advise you just scroll to the next post or close this page for I will offend you.

I have a very diverse background. I was baptised in a Christian church, attended a Muslim pre-school and went to a Roman Catholic primary school. The high school I went to was mainly Methodist and now I am a confirmed member of an Anglican church. Bear in mind I attend a “new-gen” church Sunday evenings at Hillsongs Church in Cape Town.  I think it’s safe to say that I am a spiritual person. I have never been in a situation where there is now some kind of worship.

Ok, so now that the formalities are dealt with let’s get down to some real talk.

If you look at the Creation vs. Evolution debate, both parties make logical sense. It is beyond me to think that some people are comfortable with the theory that we come from primordial ooze. (Clears throat) how much of a dumb fuck are you? I believe in grand design and therefore I believe in a grand designer.  So there must be some kind of God or heavenly being in charge of it all. I can’t fathom how some people can think there is nothing after life. The common ideology if the people I mentioned in the first paragraph are that you live and then you die. Of course you can do a lot of things while alive but doesn’t that mean when looking at the bigger picture that your life is meaningless? If you are one of the before mentioned individuals I’ve got a couple of questions for you?

What is the meaning of life and everything in it? If you say 42 you deserve to be castrated for being an idiot

Knowing that religion actually gives you something to look forward to after death, what does being existential, agnostic or atheistic give you to look forward to? Note that transcendence comes after death not while you are alive.

Why in moments of astonishment or disbelief do you exclaim “oh my God!” when you don’t believe in God?

For the evolutionists out there do you really want to rely on theory for your argument? Theories that are fleeting and can change at any given moment by the way. As opposed to factual documents that were put together to form a book that we call the bible?

I would hate knowing that my existence is meaningless. Don’t you?

Honestly...

Tomorrow, 18 July 2012 is the father of our nation and former preseidents 94th birthday. Now of course this calls for some sort of celebration aand the odd concert here and there. The Big 46664 concert is a big event and all. Plus its Mandela day where you do something good for 67 minutes to remember the 67 years Madiba offered up for this country.

So after becoming the SA's first black president and having this magical air about him that lead the Springboks to victory in the 1995 Rugby world cup, he retired and hoped to live a peaceful life in his old age. "Not a chance old man". That is pretty much what the media in this counrty must have thought. From being invited to all kinds of events to make speeches or just sit there. I mean its nice having the man who with the help of many others freed our country around. Having had the pleasure of meeting the man himself I kinda get why there is such a big hullabaloo about Madiba.


But come on now. On the eve of the mans birthday his Eastern Cape home of Qunu ( I know, I still struggle to pronounce it)  was "besieged by media and family members had to be smuggled into the home. Mandela has been rather quite over the last few years not having said almost anything lately. Well granted that you don't really say much when you retire from retirement. Im sure if Madiba one had to get up and say something in reaction to everyone making a big fuss about him and everything else and if he falls into the grumpy old man stereotype he would get up and being a tall man tower over every one and let out a calm but assertive plea.
" Honestly, I like the fact that you got through all this trouble for me but LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!!!

Black guy problems

Black guy problems

Being black in South Africa is one of the craziest things in this country.

There is a plethora of things that go along with being black in this country. Of course there is too many to mention right now so I’ll just give you a few.

1.       Black on black racism: ok, one would think that sort of thing does not happen after this country’s tumultuous history with the apartheid thing and all that.  A lot of the older generation love to rant about how they fought for freedom and how that this is their country and all sorts of shit that bores the hell out of those of us born into freedom. It has been 18 years and they still carry on like as soon as a white person becomes president that we will go back to the “dark ages of apartheid”. Now with all the changes regarding education and opportunities for black children, things have obviously changed. We go to the same schools as kids from all races and we pick up each other’s mannerisms and accents. Because of that you get teased and funny looks from people who completely rape the English language. You get called names like “cheese boy” or “coconut” and they call us pretentious. Bitch I speak English the way it’s meant to be spoken.

2.       Puns that black guys can’t swim: first of all I can and I swim really well actually. 

3.       This thing going around that black guys have big dicks. Ok, that is true, never mind.

4.       Oh and my favourite, black guys want to get with white women or other races when they make it big or move to the city. Fuck that shit. I choose who I date because of personality not because it looks “larney“(slang for cool). If I find myself dating a white girl it is because I like her motherfucker!

Being a black guy in South Africa has got to be one of the oddest things in this country. It has its pros and cons. I fully intend on marrying a ginger and having little Trevor Noah babies. They might just turn out to be great comedians. They might be teased to no end at school but it’s all for their own good. It worked for the half Swedish, half Zulu coloured guy that is now touring the hell out of the States.

That’s all for now folks! Part two coming soon

Marriage proposals these days...

I might get some flack for saying this but American guys are such dicks.


One can not propose marriage to a girl the traditional way because singing flash mobs are the trend nowadays if you want to take the plunge. FFS! Girls everywhere are watching youtube videos of how some dude proposed to his girlfriend in a very flashy way. They are making it very difficult for the next guy. How the hell am I going to top renting out a whole hotel lobby and getting everybody from the waitors to the chefs involved in this literal song and dance ending off with the guy on bended knee asking the big question? Nevermind buying an engagement ring that is going to cost you more than three months salary.


As a black guy in South Africa, there is is the issue of paying Lobola to the brides family. For those not privy to this African custom, it is the act of paying a dowry to the father and uncles of your girl you are intending to wed in cattle. Do you know how much a fucking cow costs these days? In actual fact its anywhere from R8000 to R12 000. In plain South African terms that is KAK( pronounced KHUK, meaning shit) expensive! To make it worse the father of the bride does not just want one cow, they want from 20 to 60 cows (you do the math). Even more so if the girl comes from a very well off family. One question comes to mind "where the fuck are they going to keep these cows exactly?"
I, myself am not a big fan of Lobola not just because it's kak expensive but its like selling of your daughter to the highest bidder. I have asked my parents and other elders in the black community about it and they have defined it as a "sort of compensation for losing their daughter. I understand that girls play a big role in the household but I wouldn't take too kindly if a guy thinks my sister looks like his type and he wants to just pay us off, marry her and then still go on to treat her like shit.

Now marriage in itself is not a cheap institution. I suppose you can get by with a little help wit your friends but heaven help me if my girlfriend has half a brain, hops onto youtube, watches these marriage proposal videos posted by those dicks and then tells me she would want me to do that for her one day. "Monkey see,monkey do" don't you think? So heres a huge middlefinger in the air to those dudes who want to upstage the shit out of the rest of the guys in the world! Give little guy a break for once.

I'll end off this post with a resounding fuck you and a have a nice day!

That's all folks!

Al Gore : the man wo almost saved the world

The only places one seems to find heroes these days are in comic books and action movies.

We tend to bitch and moan about the happenings in the world but when someone actually takes the initiative to do something about it; he gets little to no attention.  Ok, that’s an over exaggeration. They get publicity for a while, the odd appearance on a talk show and maybe write a book about his gripe with what is going on in the world. (I say “he” because it’s quicker to type. No sexist connotations here. Damn it, you know what I mean!)

We have had our Churchill’s, Ghandi’s, Mandela etc but the unsung hero of this story is Al Gore; the bridesmaid of all bridesmaids. The 45^th vice president of the United States who was succeeded b a guy named dick had to settle for a job as author and activist.  In my opinion he would have made a very good bride if the groom (being the State Florida) weren’t a bunch of blithering idiots. Bush went on to become president and managed to screw America all on his lonesome. No hate for the US but is hindsight not a wonderful thing? He won the popular election in 2000 for heaven’s sake. Get a fucking clue!

 With the advent of the bush administration America has lost its trade centres and gone to war because of a beef with the middle-east for no real reason.  In this case it’s better the devil you don’t know than the idiot you do. Whether the world wants to believe it or not; the whole world changes along with the change of leaderships in the states. They have their fingers in everyone’s pie and it seems to work out for the better if your country is in good standing with the so called land of milk and honey. Not that all the other countries in the world are the US bitches but come on, coming from a 3^rd world country you know you are hooked up when uncle Sam has got your back.  

 Gore informed the world of the real threat of global warming with his DVD and talks all over the world which makes one wonder how good of a president he would have made. He is indeed a very smart man and I hope he runs for US commander in chief again. As for Obama, black people have had their time in the sun with regards to presidency and that will never happen again. Next time around let’s hope that US has learnt from its constant blunders and vote like people who actually have half a brain. That’s all folks!

Tisk, tisk

Last time I checked South Africa was a democracy.


By definition democracy meant the government by the people. That is more than I can say for this country. An old South African addage, "Amandla awhetu" in actual fact means power to the people. Not the ruling party tells the people what to do and like puppets go along with what they say. The only thing making democracy work in this country is the media and the SACP and the ruling party (nevermind the president) tries to gagg the very watchdog keeping those dumb mofo's in check (sigh).So let me put in to context how stupid our leaders and their "comrades" are: the commander in chief's attorney cried in court, they file a human dignity case against Brett Murray where they could have sued him for defamation or a hate speech case because it pretty much is but clearly they aren't the sharpest tools in the shed.

It is an insanely a sad fact that we have dumb leaders but we have to put up with them until they're whole generation dies along with the Julius Malema of out times eventually croak. Unfortunatley for this country, we have to wait until we are old and borderline senile before there is actually any kind of change in this country.

That's all folks!!!

The circumstances of my birth

I think I started this blogging thing just in time. The politics and other random shit are happening all around me in the very week of my birth. The Spear is my first and currently my favorite topic to tweet, post on facebook and now to blog about. I mean really the presidents dick has been in the news for years now and just a painter took the initiative to contexualise it on a painting, everybody is up in arms now. Brett Murray is suddenly a racist, the professor and taxi driver who turned the Spear into the Smear are some kind of heroes and Ferial Haffajee's paper is being boycotted. Fuck that shit. I love my country but it is chock full of idiots.
Mew two from Pokemon once said "the circumstances of ones birth are irrelavant.Its what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are"

What block of shit! The circumstances of my birth are the reasons why I have a job.